Terry Hanushek
03-21-2006, 09:16 PM
The Borowitz Report
Andy Borowitz
March 21, 2006
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11945021/site/newsweek/
or
http://tinyurl.com/qy6r8
‘Operation Incomprehensible Program’
The U.S. military is hoping to confuse Iraq insurgents with details of Washington’s new prescription drug program
In an effort to confuse Iraqi insurgents, the Pentagon announced today that the United States has begun bombarding insurgent positions with copies of President Bush's Medicare prescription drug plan.
At a press briefing at the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the idea of confusing the insurgents with the Medicare plan was hatched last week, after Bush appeared at a series of town hall meetings at which seniors in his audience seemed thoroughly bewildered by the intricate new program. "We realized, if this prescription drug plan is that confusing in English, imagine how incoherent it would seem once it was translated into Arabic," Rumsfeld said.
As soon as Pentagon planners seized upon the idea of using the president's plan to confuse the insurgents, Operation Incomprehensible Program was launched. According to Rumsfeld, U.S. warplanes pounded insurgent positions in the cities of Tikrit and Najaf with copies of the prescription drug plan in the early morning hours of Monday.
Rumsfeld said that satellite photos of those positions have been encouraging thus far, showing dozens of Iraqi insurgents reading the prescription drug plan and scratching their heads.
The Defense Secretary said he was hopeful that Operation Incomprehensible Program would leave the Iraqi insurgents totally baffled, but he hinted that the Pentagon had other tactics up its sleeve: "We are fully prepared to bombard them with copies of my press briefings."
Andy Borowitz
March 21, 2006
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11945021/site/newsweek/
or
http://tinyurl.com/qy6r8
‘Operation Incomprehensible Program’
The U.S. military is hoping to confuse Iraq insurgents with details of Washington’s new prescription drug program
In an effort to confuse Iraqi insurgents, the Pentagon announced today that the United States has begun bombarding insurgent positions with copies of President Bush's Medicare prescription drug plan.
At a press briefing at the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the idea of confusing the insurgents with the Medicare plan was hatched last week, after Bush appeared at a series of town hall meetings at which seniors in his audience seemed thoroughly bewildered by the intricate new program. "We realized, if this prescription drug plan is that confusing in English, imagine how incoherent it would seem once it was translated into Arabic," Rumsfeld said.
As soon as Pentagon planners seized upon the idea of using the president's plan to confuse the insurgents, Operation Incomprehensible Program was launched. According to Rumsfeld, U.S. warplanes pounded insurgent positions in the cities of Tikrit and Najaf with copies of the prescription drug plan in the early morning hours of Monday.
Rumsfeld said that satellite photos of those positions have been encouraging thus far, showing dozens of Iraqi insurgents reading the prescription drug plan and scratching their heads.
The Defense Secretary said he was hopeful that Operation Incomprehensible Program would leave the Iraqi insurgents totally baffled, but he hinted that the Pentagon had other tactics up its sleeve: "We are fully prepared to bombard them with copies of my press briefings."