mommalina
03-22-2006, 10:02 AM
(From March 22, 2006, Frank Kraiser's Suddenly Senior Newsletter)
[RxNews] U.S. CONFUSES INSURGENTS WITH PRESCRIPTION DRUG PLAN
Military Launches 'Operation Incomprehensible Program' Across Iraq
Humor by Andy Borowitz, March 22, 2006
In an effort to confuse Iraqi insurgents, the Pentagon announced today that the U.S. had begun bombarding insurgent positions with copies of President Bush's Medicare prescription drug plan.
At a press briefing at the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the idea of confusing the insurgents with the President's Medicare plan was hatched last week, after Mr. Bush appeared at a series of town hall meetings at which seniors in his audience seemed thoroughly bewildered by the intricate new program.
"We realized, if this prescription drug plan is that confusing in English, imagine how incoherent it would seem once it was translated into Arabic," Secretary Rumsfeld said.
As soon as Pentagon planners seized upon the idea of using the President's plan to confuse the insurgents, Operation Incomprehensible Program was launched.
According to Secretary Rumsfeld, U.S. warplanes pounded insurgent positions in the citiers of Tikrit and Najaf with copies of the prescription drug plan in the early morning hours of Monday.
Mr. Rumsfeld said that satellite photos of those positions have been encouraging thus far, showing dozens of Iraqi insurgents reading the prescription drug plan and scratching their heads.
The Defense Secretary said he was hopeful that Operation Incomprehensible Program would leave the Iraqi insurgents totally baffled, but he hinted that the Pentagon had other tactics up its sleeve: "We are fully prepared to bombard them with copies of my press briefings."
Elsewhere, one day after Seoul National University dismissed him for falsifying results, South Korean cloning scientist Hwang Woo-suk claimed that the other nine of him still had jobs.
[RxNews] U.S. CONFUSES INSURGENTS WITH PRESCRIPTION DRUG PLAN
Military Launches 'Operation Incomprehensible Program' Across Iraq
Humor by Andy Borowitz, March 22, 2006
In an effort to confuse Iraqi insurgents, the Pentagon announced today that the U.S. had begun bombarding insurgent positions with copies of President Bush's Medicare prescription drug plan.
At a press briefing at the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the idea of confusing the insurgents with the President's Medicare plan was hatched last week, after Mr. Bush appeared at a series of town hall meetings at which seniors in his audience seemed thoroughly bewildered by the intricate new program.
"We realized, if this prescription drug plan is that confusing in English, imagine how incoherent it would seem once it was translated into Arabic," Secretary Rumsfeld said.
As soon as Pentagon planners seized upon the idea of using the President's plan to confuse the insurgents, Operation Incomprehensible Program was launched.
According to Secretary Rumsfeld, U.S. warplanes pounded insurgent positions in the citiers of Tikrit and Najaf with copies of the prescription drug plan in the early morning hours of Monday.
Mr. Rumsfeld said that satellite photos of those positions have been encouraging thus far, showing dozens of Iraqi insurgents reading the prescription drug plan and scratching their heads.
The Defense Secretary said he was hopeful that Operation Incomprehensible Program would leave the Iraqi insurgents totally baffled, but he hinted that the Pentagon had other tactics up its sleeve: "We are fully prepared to bombard them with copies of my press briefings."
Elsewhere, one day after Seoul National University dismissed him for falsifying results, South Korean cloning scientist Hwang Woo-suk claimed that the other nine of him still had jobs.